So, while I was in Portland I also needed to meet with Brian, the property manager for the marina, to arrange for my parking passes and remotes to get past the front gates. When I got to the marina, Brian was out and about tackling other problems, as good property managers are often wont, which meant I got to wander up and down the docks introducing myself to people and asking if anyone had seen him. (All I knew was that he was a casually-dressed, middle-aged, white guy with a baseball cap. I'm quickly learning that describes about 85% of the people you find along the water.)
Through this process, I got to meet a couple of the local handymen and also a few of my neighbors. Everyone was friendly and politely curious. However, I started to get a little uneasy when the third person in a row asked when my "lifemate"/"partner" was coming up to join me.
I didn't think much of it at first when the handymen had asked. I mean, a new, non-retiree female shows up at the marina. They're probably trying to figure out what mental bucket to put me into. But when the nice, blue-haired retiree a few doors down from my place used the term "lifemate" and looked confused when I replied that my boyfriend lived in another state, the alarm bells started going off. Things got weirder still when I tracked down Brian and, during small-talk in his office, it came out that he thought I worked as a stewardess. And then he also asked about my "partner".
As best as I can figure things without outright asking someone, word around the marina seems to be that the new owner of my place is a lesbian stewardess.
I smell my realtor, Graham, behind this small bit of mischief. I should be quick to say that Graham was nothing but professional and courteous in his dealings with me. And that I think he did a great job for a very small commission. But Graham is also a bit of a character and I saw glimpses along the way of a wicked sense of humor.
In buying the house I only over dealt with two people--my realtor, Graham, and the owner of the marina, Jack. So, unless Brian and the handymen are particularly gutsy with their pranks with people they've just met, the misinformation started with either Graham or Jack. If I had to guess, what might have happened is one of the handymen at the marina started pestering Graham for details on the new owner. I could see Graham coming up with a story like that under the right circumstances. I mean, doesn't it sound like the set-up for your typical 30-minute Cinemax porn?
Charlie seems highly amused by my predicament. Well, he did, until I threatened to introduce him to people as my "lifemate" who'd just finished going through her sex-change operation. Then he was quick to point out that people would never believe it with how pronounced an Adam's apple he has. (Never mind that he's also 6'7 and has an amazingly deep voice.)
I'm still waffling on how to handle this latest development. I mean, do I post a cardboard sign in my window saying: "I hate to wreck anyone's fantasies but: 1) I'm dating a guy and 2) I typically work at boring jobs involving lots of time staring at numbers"?
Or do I decide to compound the mischief? I have a former roommate and good friend, Katherine, who's gay. She's willing to come up for a visit sporting a stewardess uniform and has even offered to swoop in and bend me backwards in a passionate smooch. (This last bit would be quite a feat considering I'm 5'11 and she's quite a bit shorter than me.)
Anyway, things to contemplate while I'm packing...
Comments